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The following is a transcript for the episode "Pilot".

Transcript

<Heavy rain and thunder SFX>
Narrator This is "CliffSide," a lawless town ruled by only the most ruthless, Johnny Law evandin'-est, no good horse spookin'-est, dastardly of the dastardly. Aka...
Waylon My voice over.
Creature <Overhears> What? Did- Did somebody say something?
Waylon N-
Creature Something about a voice over?
Waylon Not me!
Narrator <eyedscreen> It was me! I'm Two-Bit Jerry! A gunslinger and an outlaw! <end eyedscreen> So begone monster! Back to the cliffs with ya!
Jo Waylon, my dad needs ya.
Waylon Ah, Jo! Watch out!
Creature <Roars and throws blade cutting Jo's hair>
Jo Scary.
Waylon I said begone! <shoots>
Narrator <eyedscreen> That's honest Jo, my partner in crime. <end eyedscreen; Jo blinking> She's never told a lie! <bullet misses target>
Jo You're bad at this.
Creature <roars and replicates>
Waylon Uh oh! Forgot they could do that! <runs and drags Jo>
Creatures <Roar and attack>
Waylon <Runs, shoots, and drag> Ah! Background Street Crosser, watch out!
BGSC <crossing the street> Oh, don't mind me, just moseying along! <Creature pounces> Ooo! <in pain> Ahh! Oh my!!!!
Waylon <creature blocks path> Aahh! <brakes> I'm, uh, out of bullets.
Jo <carrying used shotgun> Same.
Waylon What's important is we fight to the-<realizes> wait what? <sees Jo's kills> Nice! I'm a better shot than I thought! <Creature pounces> Ah!!! Oof! Jo, help! I was being cheeky, I know you shot them! <mauled> Jooo!!!! I'm sorry, I learned my lesson!
Narrator <eyedscreen> Secretly, I haven't learned a th-<eyedscreen interrupted>
Waylon Oooo my God, the other one is coming!!!!! <pulled> Now I'm learning my lesson twice as fast! <title sequence> Jo!!!!
<Scene takes place at a moving train>
Two-Bit Pinecone <points revolver> Sheriff Pinecone, hand over the money and no one gets hurt!
Sheriff Pinecone <points revovler> Not this time, Two-Bit. <Two-Bit's partner reveals> Somebody sold you out.
Two-Bit Pinecone <gasps> My old partner!
<Jo suddenly appears>
Jo Whatcha doing?
Waylon What?! <fantasy ends; drops pinecones and falls> Ahhhh!!! Ooof. Ow.
Jo Remember how this town is <jumps off train car> surrounded by monsters?
Waylon Yeah! What do you mean?! I shot like 50 in the intro sequence!
Jo 50?
Waylon Didn't even cry.
Jo Nothing suspicious about mentioning that specifically.
Waylon Ah, whatever! Just be glad I helped you at all! I'm Two-Bit Jerry! A no good dastardly gunslinger! <pokes Jo> Eeeh. <awkwardness; backs off> I, er, I once shot a man just fer lookin' at me wrong! Then I shot 'em again fer dyin'! <throws revolver; finger pistols> Pew pew...
<Town clock rings>
Jo Just pretend to stand watch.
Waylon Fine. <finger pistol; spots his revolver; sighs>
<Waylon ventures to the woods to retrieve his revolver>
Waylon <hand gets caught in a web; struggling> Graahhh!!! <gets off> Whoops! <gets caught onto another web> Hrmmm... <pulled up> AAhh!!!!
<Scene cuts to Waylon waking up on a big web at night>
Waylon Mrrmmm... ...Hmmm? <struggling; causes vibration> Hmmm? <sees shadowy figure> Uhhhh. Hello?
<Stranger reveals claw; bird squawk>
Waylon Gah!!! <bird gets caught in the web; stranger reveals> It's fine, you can stay over there.
Cordie <giggling; picks up bird; giggling intensifies; tries to eat bird but pokes its way to escape> Four of my eyes!
Waylon Okay, that was weird.
Cordie No it wasn't. It was... Hehe... horrifying. <showing off her claws> I'm going to eat you now. <noms Waylon's finger>
Waylon <stops Cordie> Cut it out! <eyedscreen> I'm Two-Bit Jerry, the most dastardly outlaw there is! <eyedscreen ends> I once shot a sheriff just cuz I was grumpy from shootin' sheriffs all day!
Cordie <disbelief> Really?
Waylon <awkward> Yessss... <notices spur on his boot> I-I'm so dastardly, <eyedscreen> I once shot my own posse just cuz my g-g-gun was gettin' heavy with the extra bullets! <eyedscreen ends> Plus... I once distracted a stupid spider long enough to escape her dumb web! <reveals his spur> Haha!!! <instantly falls> Whoops!!!! <falling> AAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! <reaches the ground; in pain> Ugghhh... Ouch... But more importantly, HA HA!!!
Cordie <appears from behind> That was nifty!
Waylon <surprised> Gah! How the heck did you-<interrupted by another monster>
Yannis <roars> Oof. Well what do we have here? Looks like Cordie finally caught something other than flies!
Cordie Ha...Hey Yannis, hi Death Itself.
Death <flies buzzing>
Yannis Ha! <fist pound with Death> Nice. So how 'bout you hand over the little cowboy?
Cordie Wait, what? But you just said...<Yannis interrupts>
Yannis Oh please, Cordie, how 'bout you be useful and stand watch for more prey or something? And speaking of being useless, come near my nest to scavenge for food again and I'll rip your tiny head off-<hit by a rock>
Waylon Ah, put a lid on it! She was gonna eat me just fine till you guys showed up! <angered Yannis> Did it ever occur to you maybe I can do more than just STAND WATCH?!
Cordie Wait... you mean... me?
Waylon <confused> Who?
Yannis <roars and attacks>
Waylon/Cordie <scream>
<Jo carelessly notices Yannis flying>
Waylon AAhhhahaa!!!! I regret so many things!!!
Yannis <roars and stops going up> I think I like you two much better as PUDDLES! <drops Waylon and Cordie>
Waylon/Cordie <screaming while falling>
Cordie You.. stood up for me.
Waylon No, I think I was transferring personal issues! <grabbed by Cordie> Huh?! Mmff.
<Cordie holds Waylon and shoots her web at Yannis>
Yannis Huh?
<Waylon and Cordie lands safely, while Yannis screaming with Death fall to the ground>
Waylon <disbelief> Wha-... that was...
Cordie That was AWESOME! You were so awesome!
Waylon I was going to say "questionable physics", but, yeah. I mean, of course I was... wait, really?
Cordie They were all like, "Meh meh meh!" and you were like, "Ahh!! Take a lid and put it on... that." <giggles with hearts on her eyes> You stood up to them! I wanna be JUST. LIKE. YOU.
Waylon Oh, haha, I don't know, the life of an outlaw ain't easy. That, uh, was pretty cool what you just did there yourself.
Cordie <smiles sinisterly> I'll do it. Anything. <stares at Waylon with obsession>
Waylon <discomfort> Ahem. Whelp, since you've seen how great I am, I suppose I have noooo choice.
<Scene skips to training montage then to bank robbery>
Victims <scream>
Bank Teller <choked by Cordie> Ahhh! Ack! <choking and surrenders the money>
Cordie <giggling>
Victims <muffled screams>
Waylon Whoa, montages are dangerous. Cordie, I didn't think we'd actually rob-<interrupted by warning shots>
Jo Hands up, we got ya surrounded!
Waylon W-What?! But I'm not...
Cordie YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!!!!! <picks up revolvers>
Waylon But we're open to possibilities! Cordie, I... This got way out of hand!
Cordie It's okay! <pupils double> I got this! I won't let you down, <skull and crossbones pupils> I promise!
Jo Alright. Death it is. <shoots>
Cordie <catches bullet> Heh. <shoots web at the door, then kicks it like a projectile>
Jo's posse <screams in panic>
Jo <surprised to see Waylon, then eyedscreen> Waylon.
Waylon <troubled> Eeehehe... Oh God.
Jo <southern accent> Wut in TARNATION is goin' on?
Waylon Oh God, she's gone southern.
Cordie Hey! Lay off my partner! <eyedscreen> I once shot a man just fer l-<eyedscreen interrupted Jo>
Jo BACK OFF.
Cordie <surrenders> Oh my God, yes of course. So sorry.
Jo Waylon, '<points gun at Waylon> explain.
Waylon It's not my fault! <points finger at Cordie> This spider lady tried to eat me!
Cordie I like your hat!
Waylon I was teaching her to be a gunslinger, but like, AH JO! You should have seen it! We killed this giant pterodactyl and Death Itself!
Cordie Well... not Death Itself, you can't kill death.
Waylon Oh, yeah, well I mean, that makes sense.
Waylon/Cordie Obviously/That's kinda his whole thing.
Waylon Anyway, so we uh... I uh... I just... <smack smack> WAIT WHAT?!
<Death Itself appears>
Death <screams>
Cordie Okay, my horrendous buzzing of flies is a liiiiiittle rusty, but I think he wants Two-Bit Jerry's...... hat?
Death <screams while doing a throat slit>
Cordie ...Scarf?
Death <screams and alters reality, then his arms touch the ground>
BGSC Don't mind me, just crossin' the stre-<thrown away by Death> Whoops! There I go.
Cordie <Waylon holding her; giggling; returns the favor>
Waylon ...What just happened.
Jo Sooo, you gonna learn your lesson, <Waylon gently pushes Cordie back> orrrrr?
Waylon I... <grumbles> Can I at least learn it in a standoff? <pats Cordie's hand>
Jo <sighs> Make it fast.
Waylon Cordie, I made everything up.
Cordie <disbelief> What?
Waylon NOTHING! STANDOFF TIME!!!!!
<Clock hits high noon>
Waylon <stands ground with the girls> HEY, DEATH! Why don't you pick on someone from your own metaphysical plane of existence?!
Death <unveils his scythe>
Waylon Prepare yourself, Death. <eyedscreen> I'm gunna do somethin' I should've done to ya the first time we met... <eyedscreen ends> <puts sheriff's badge on Death> ...Given you VALIDATION! See, Mr. Death Itself, I learned something today. <inaudible conversation>
Cordie Boy, I wonder how it's goin' over there.
Jo Seems like he's... actually got a handle on it.
Waylon Therefore the moral of this episode is: if you validate someone enough you can manipulate them into doing whatever you say! Good job Death, who's a good little Death? You are! You earned that sheriff star didn't you? Please don't kill me. <Death grabs Waylon and whacks him> Ah, no, no, no WAIT! Arghh! ACK! OOF! DAH! ...ugh... <coughs> You know, technically, you being our sheriff from protecting the town would mean less dead people and less work for you... if you think about it.
<Death ready for round two while Waylon cowers, then suddenly stops>
Waylon <tongue click>
Jo <sighs> He didn't learn a thing.
<Scene skips to a spinning new papers where it is hanged on a saloon>
Waylon Yer darn right I saved the town! Woooo!!!!!
Jo I wish I got more credit for things I broke and then barely fixed. Now who wants to stand watch?
Waylon Are you kidding me?! I'm way too cool for that now-<hit by Jo> Ow. I do.
Cordie Me too! I once looked at something and only lost focus for THREE HOURS!
Jo Spider girl isn't coming.
Cordie Hey Jo, by the way, if the sheriff position was open... what happened to the sheriff before Death?
Jo I dunno. Shot. Bandits probably. Culprit was never caught.
Cordie <leaving with Jo> Faaascinating.
<Waylon smiles as the episode ends>